Comments on: A simple behaviour change that will change your life

By: Wahoo

Wahoo — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 11:05:08 +0000

Thank you for sharing!

By: Jamin

Jamin — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 18:47:25 +0000

That reminds me of Covey’s “Seek First to Understand” habit - which is another one of those “good idea, which takes huge amounts of discipline to do!”. There seems to be a general theme here: Put the ego down. Time for some humility… Ouch…

By: Matthew Cornell

Matthew Cornell — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:53:14 +0000

I’d add that changing the focus to actively *listening* can help this even further. Not listening to argue or make a point, but to see where the other person is coming from. Really trying to understand, in other words.

Requires letting go of the ego, though…

By: jaminellis

jaminellis — Mon, 21 May 2007 19:57:59 +0000

A very valid question, which I have wrestled with. If you are wrong, you don’t have a defence. If you are right, you don’t need one. If you allow youself to take the mindset of “I am right, they are wrong” you leave only two paths open to you:

1) You are actually wrong about being right. Then you end up backing youself into a corner. The assumption doesn’t keep your mind open to the fact that you may actually be wrong. That means you don’t see it when you have made a mistake, leaving others to get angry or at least very frustrated with you. All not good stuff.

2) You are actually right and they are wrong. That does you little good in and of itself. The biggest benefit comes when they realise they are wrong. If you attack their position or just defend your own, you just entrench them in their belief. Accepting their position (even though it may be wrong one), and exploring it with them, is much more likely to help them discover their mistake. If will help you check that you haven’t missed anything.

Defending our position leads to a fight, exploring their position leads to understanding.

By: aedjp

aedjp — Mon, 21 May 2007 12:28:05 +0000

…but what if you’re right and they’re wrong?